You Are Not Alone

Today kicks off National Infertility Awareness Week (NIAW), and the theme they choose for 2015 is You are not alone. I’m definitely loving this theme and I think it is probably one of the most important things while going through the journey of infertility.

Never in a million years did I think I would conceive a baby via IVF. If you would have asked me what the process of IVF was, what were the correct measurements of a mature follicle were, a good thickness of uterine lining, and to go home inject myself in the stomach, I would have looked at you crazy. This is not the path of life I had laid out for myself. I think it would be safe to say this isn’t the path Darren saw his life going down as well. But, this is our reality and we’re embracing it and we’ve accepted it. I have no issues talking about our struggles with infertility. It’s nothing to be ashamed of and it’s nothing to hide. 1 in 8 couples will suffer with infertility. Chances are some one very close to you is suffering and you have no idea.

I have recently decided to come out with our story and allow people inside of our journey because I remember exactly how I felt going through the process. We knew one person in our family that had conceived both of her children through IVF. ONE! I may have known more but didn’t realize it. Infertility is something you don’t just throw out, like “How’s ya momma and them?!” It was tough taking that huge step into IVF. I was bombarded with emotions and thoughts of how we would make it work financially and physically. I remember leaving the doctor’s office after our IVF consult and Darren and I had so many questions. Unknowingly, I called Darren’s cousin (who had conceived through IVF) and Darren had called her husband. They really became a guiding light for us and I’m not sure if they realize how much they helped us through it all. Whether it would be a random text or just asking us how things we’re going. They didn’t ask just to be nice. They really cared about this rollercoaster we were on. Not too long before they had been in our exact shoes. They knew exactly every feeling we felt. They were sad when things didn’t go exactly as planned and celebrated the ups with us. It was truly an awesome feeling to have someone who understood!

It’s around this time last year that my friend, Emily, asked me to attend a Sarah’s Laughter meeting with her. I went not knowing what to expect. My first meeting was okay. I kind of just listened to what Beth and all of the other girls had to say. I found myself going back and really finding friendships with these girls. These girls had seen me and each other sit in Beth’s living room cry and express our frustrations. We have heard each other at some point say things we wouldn’t even tell our best friends. Sometimes while venting frustrations, nothing was said. Nothing needed to be said. hey understood. They got it! These girls were in the same boat as you. They didn’t need to ask, “What makes you feel that way?” because at some point in time they thought they same thing. These girls grieved with you through miscarriages and cycle failures and celebrated what may seem as a little thing in life but in the infertility world, is a huge milestone. It really is an amazing feeling to have such an amazing, strong, Godly group of women by your side. The friendships formed are all ones that will continue after we have all graduated past Sarah’s Laughter!

It really makes me sad to know there may be someone out there going through this alone. Infertility is hard enough as it is, but to do it alone is impossible. If you are struggling with infertility, please reach out to me or find a support group in your area. Having a support system around you is very important. There were times when I felt very much alone. I still have that lonely, nagging feeling sometimes, but I think that’s natural.. I try to brush it aside and think of the positive. I. AM. NOT. ALONE.IMG_0711

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rpl results & ramblin’

About a week ago, I got the answer (or not) I’ve been waiting for since December. Hoping and praying for answers and I got nothing, nada, zilch, which some people would be happy about but in the world of infertility nothing really makes sense.

On March 16, I went in for my blood work for the repetitive pregnancy loss panel. Four vials of blood later, I left feeling a little nauseous, light-headed, and anxious for my next Starbucks fix! Then, I started the TWW (two week wait). Waiting two weeks for blood work is much easier than waiting for that pregnancy test. Go figure! About a week later, I got a phone call that my second part of my blood work came back and it was all NORMAL. The next day, I got the first part back and NORMAL. I feel silly for wanting to something to be wrong. So as of now, everything is fine and we still have zero answers on why we’ve lost. We can chalk it up to bad luck or it just isn’t our time yet.

We are going forward with a frozen embryo transfer. Darren and I have decided that the date will not be made public. We understand people want to know, but it puts a lot of pressure on us to tell what the results are even though we may not be ready to tell. I can tell you though that it IS happening and we’re as ready as we’ll ever be! Please continue to pray for us. Even though you don’t know the exact day of when it is, the date really isn’t all that important.

All infertility issues aside! I am FINALLY ready to get this house looking like we’ve been moved in for a year and a half! I cannot believe it’s really been that long. Some of our friends are wrapping up their homes and Darren and I went look at the Wells’ home and I couldn’t help but feel like I was slacking! Brittany and Jarrett did an AMAZING job building and decorating. So Brittany has inspired me (and she doesn’t even know it!) to get this house decorated!

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So, I started with the front porch. Yes, my wreaths are hanging on by a thread but new ones are on their way. I DO NOT have a green thumb in my body so I’m giving those spiffy little plants a week or two.

IMG_0649Next, we finally got our desk in our office built and I LOVE IT! Darren has his “mancave” aka shed so I have an idea of this being MY space for crafts and just to have my junk in one area. Isn’t that what a mancave is?? I’m hoping to get a nice antiqued chair and a table for me to do what I need to do on. This room is pretty big so I’m hoping to get some use out of it.

Well, I think that’s enough of me rambling. I’ll leave you with this sweet little furball. She played so hard yesterday and stayed outside all day long. She is having a hard time recovering. AND the fact that she turns THREE tomorrow doesn’t make it any easier for her! DSC_0025